i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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