just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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