In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize