You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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