I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
time to smoke my breakfast
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
