moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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