Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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