Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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