I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
