lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
