I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
