I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
