he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sorry my hands just texted you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
