I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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