About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
