youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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