He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
