Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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