I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
