I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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