I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
