come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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