my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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