I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
