We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
