alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
