4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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