I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I did not marry a roomba.
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