Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
