4 words: hood of his car
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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