A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
