i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
