Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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