she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
