I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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