I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
