just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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