Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
