Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
