she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
