Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
