One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
