maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
