Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
