Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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