I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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