ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
