so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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