We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
