I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
