I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's blow job season.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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