Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
