you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
