she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
