I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
