At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
