even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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