I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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