My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
