He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
