hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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