you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
