I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
