You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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