Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
