you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
