We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
