How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
