whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize