I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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