nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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